Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Blast? Did Somebody Say Pirate Blast?

What a joy it is to be blogging with ye all on this beautiful day, me hearties! Those vixens, the Romance Magicians, know I've put me cap in with pirates. But for the lot of you who don’t know about my affinity for dreds, black eyeliner, and gold teeth, here be the truth of it. I'm a Regency Historical Romance Pirate Author!

Now don't go getting up in arms. It's not all scurvy and dysentery. Why, Captain Jack Sparrow gifted the world with renewed fervor for my pirate affliction, as it were. It’s because of him and similar well-honed steel wielding buccaneers: Tyrone Power, Errol Flynn, and Gene Kelley, that I’ve gone pirate. Yes! I admit it. I’ve fallen for eye patches and sharpened blades. (Pssst! Blade in this reference means tongue. You know… wit? <g>

“You have a way of digressing, darlin. Toss this buggar of a blog post in the locker, luv, and follow me to my cabin. I’ve a particular unsheathed blade for you to consider, savvy?”

Blushes profusely. “Not now, Jack. You know I promised a blog for the Southern Magic September Blog Blast.”

Jack leans in until there’s no doubt which blade he intends to use. “I wager me handsome blade these ladies won’t mind waiting until our own blast is over and we’re basking in becalmed waters. Or mayhap they could watch

“Belay that!” Shoving Jack into the hold and bolting down the hatch.

Where was I? Blades, you say? Ah, yes. Funny you should mention blades. The hero in my next pirate book, The Rogue’s Surrender, happens to go by the moniker Captain Blade. Oh, and what a handful he is

Jack screams between the bars. “There’s no denying what you really want, luv!”

Arrrrr!!! “What I mean to say is… oh, stubble it!”

I’m back, me hearties! After dealing with neck issues for the past four years, I had a second neck surgery four weeks ago that provided me great relief. Prior to the surgery, it was a miracle I wrote anything. I’d been dealing with pain 24/7, three out of the last four years. When the pain got so bad I had to bypass lunch and go straight to bed and sleep four hours after work, I got up and wrote. When the noise in my head was so loud that I couldn’t hear myself think, let alone conversations around me, I learned to listen. I learned a great many things. Patience. Longevity. Who my good friends were. You can do anything you set your mind to, no matter the circumstances. You are never alone. And finally, never, never, never, never, never give up!

Yes, the pain of the last four years has disappeared, but I’ve got two new scars, a vertical scar on the back of my neck and a horizontal scar on the front of my neck, to remind me. In time they will fade, but for now they add a little street cred to my genre, don’t you think? ;)

So, in honor of my new look, and our current blast, I’m sharing some pirate threats in THE PIRATE PRIMER, MASTERING THE LANGUAGE OF SWASHBUCKLERS AND ROGUES by George Choundas that include normal blades.

“I’ll cut your weasand.” Weasand means throat.

“I’ll let out your evil soul by incision of steel.”

“I’ll cut out that tongue o’ yourn and watch ye eat it.”

“I’ll come aboard of you and gut you upon your own poop.” Regarding the poop deck. <g>

And my personal favorite?

“I’ll slit the veins of your arms and use your blood to warm me rum.”

Jack has escaped and appears at my side. “Burn and sink me, you sure know a way to make a man lose his appetite.”

“Dearest, Jack. Hands to halyards.”

“Is it possible you mean hands aloft to loosen yer sails, luv?”

“Aye. This blog is done.”

Jack waves his fingers like this… “Man the Captain!”

In honor of, and looking forward to, a pain-free life ahead, I’m giving away an autographed copy of my first book, Duke by Day, Rogue by Night, Book One in the Nelson’s Tea Series, along with some copious swag from RWA13. I’ll award one lucky commenter who can come up with pirate slang for cutting one’s throat.




Naima Simone said...

LOL!! I love this post, Kathy! I laughed so hard! Here's my pirate throat-slitting contribution: "Look sharp or I'll gut ye from gullet to gullet!" Huh? Huh? Did I just embarrass myself?? LOL!! Oh yeah, I did!

Awesome post!

Carla Swafford said...

You blood thirsty, wench! LOL!

Katherine Bone said...

Naima!!! Love that one! I think gullet is used in the book I mentioned. I LOVE the word gullet. I've used it before and my rogue challenged me on it. Woot!

Thanks for laughing! That was me goal. As apposed to gaol.

Katherine Bone said...

Aye, Carla, love. I am that and more! <3

Suzanne Johnson said...

Ah, mais oui, but my French pirate, Jean Lafitte, would know how to speak thus: "Je tirerai une lame dans la gorge jusqu'à ce que le pont est inondé de sang...."

Which he assures me means, roughly, "I shall draw a blade across your throat until the deck is awash in blood."

Um, he's a sweetheart. Really.

Rashda Khan said...

Hee!Hee! Loved this post! I have a soft spot for Capt. Jack Sparrow, savvy?

bn100 said...

Who wants to volunteer to see how sharp this sword is?

bn100candg at hotmail dot com

Carol Bibb said...

I will make you grin from ear to ear! shosrtyswife@hotmail.com

Carol Bibb said...


Linda Henderson said...

I'm not that great at pirate talk so the only thing I can think of is "Avast me swabby, heed me words or I'll part your head from your body."

seriousreader at live dot com

Katherine Bone said...

Suzanne, Jean has a way with words, doesn't he? Ooh la la!

"Lafitte? Who is this Lafitte?"

"Never ye mind, Jack." Wiggles fingers and moves in for a kiss.

Katherine Bone said...

Hi Rashda! Oh, don't we all have a soft spot for Jack.

He grins. "I prefer the soft spot to the black spot, savvy?"

Katherine Bone said...

"I don't think you'll find too many volunteers for this, luv."

Jack pulls me backward so there's no question he'll be picked for this go round.

bn100, it was a very good try!

Katherine Bone said...

"Aye, I'm already grinning, m'lady! Ye've a wicked tongue, ye have, Carol Bibb."

Thank you for commenting!!!

joye said...

Great posting.

Be it red or blue,
A necklace of red
would look good on you.

Katherine Bone said...

Jack cringes. "I'm a bit fond of me appendages and would not like to be parted from any of them."

Linda, Jack is running with arms flailing!

Katherine Bone said...

"Ye are a pirate through and through, Joye! Forthwith we'll toss a pot, twirl a can, and drain a beaker to ye."

Thank ye for posting, lass!

Shadow said...

lol What a fun post! This is awesome! Okay, terrible at pirate talk, but here goes!
"Shiver me timbers! Watch what ye say, be'ore the Jolly Roger come ye way!"
lol Thanks! This was fun! :)

Michel Reinhard said...

Fun post...

You can drink the rum from my veins and anywhere else matie!

Katherine Bone said...

"Arrrr! Shadow knows the way of it, I'm thinkin."

"Aye, Jack. I'm thinkin of that Jolly Roger."

Jack pulls me away from the computer... "Me thinks ye've had a bit too much rum."

(Thank you for commenting Shadow!!!)

Katherine Bone said...

Ooooohhh! Michel that's phenomenal!!! It brings to mind this...

I'll devour you at a gulp. ~ The Pirate Primer

Thanks for joining the partay!

virginiawritedown said...

Stand still, me hearties, do I can run you through.

Patricia Bradley said...

Since I don't speak pirate, I'll just say I laughed all the way through it. Great post!

Katherine Bone said...

Virginiawritedown! Ye've a way of going to the heart of it!

Thank you for commenting!!! <3

Katherine Bone said...

Aye. Laughter be the way to get through the day, Patricia! And to think of it. We did it without any rum!!!

Blessings to you, fine lady!

Moriah Densley said...

Fun post, Katherine! Delighted to see you're back in top form. You go, girl!

Collette Cameron said...

My sides hurt I'm laughing so hard! Love it. So glad you're mending well too!

Katherine Bone said...

Ahoy, Moriah! Thanks for stopping by!!!

It feels good to be back in the biz! Blessings!!!

Katherine Bone said...

Arrrrr!!! Does a body good to know I've entertained ye, Collette! That IS a very heartening compliment!!!

I appreciate you!!!

Katherine Bone said...

And the winner of the Pirate Slang Neck competition is...........

"Drum roll, please."

Jack nuzzles my ear. "Sorry to disappoint ye, luv, but we don't have drums aboard."

"No drums? Every ship has drums."

"Not the Pearl." Jack flashes a wicked smile. "Shooting that undead monkey always suffices."

"I don't—"

BOOM goes the undead monkey! Jack turns with a grin and flicks his pistol. "Now go on. Don't leave them guessin."

The winner is: Shadow!!!!

Shadow I'll be sending a signal flag to ye soon. Be on the lookout!