Monday, August 19, 2013

Frankenstein and Horrarrrr!

If you're like me, you've grown up watching Horrarrrrr! movies. I'm not talking about the comedic types of film. I'm talking about the movies that kept you up at all hours of the night praying a creature of the night wouldn't sneak into your bedroom or grab you from underneath the bed. Aye. That be the kind, me hearties.

"There's nothing worse than the black spot."  
Captain Jack Sparrow

Back to the Horrarrrr! Peter Cushing, Boris Korloff, Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney and Lon Chaney, Jr. perfected their rolls so well we believed in Frankenstein, Dracula, the Mummy, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. To this day, we imitate these nightmarish standards while trick or treating or at costume parties. I once posed as a Vampire Pirate at a writer's retreat. (Nailed it too!)

But I digress... Frankenstein has always been a horrarrr favorite of mine. Poor guy didn't ask to be a jigsaw puzzle put together with mismatched body parts. He certainly didn't ask to have lightning bolts jutting from his neck or to be afraid of fire. Why, even Frankenstein's bride was afraid of his untameable nature. Mel Brooks is the only director who made Frankenstein appear intellectual next to Madeline Kahn's bride in Young Frankenstein. (That's Fran-kun-schteen, to ye what knows.)

Arrrrr! What does this have to do with anything? Me. You see I followed my compass to what I wanted most ~ to be free of pain. It's a long Horrarrrr! story, me hearties. One I won't bore you with. But just let it be known that I've been in pain for three out of the last four years due to neck issues. I've seen countless doctors who tested me for everything you can imagine. I've had neck surgery that seemed to fix the problem until two titanium screws broke in my vertebrae. (Yes, I really do have super powers! I CAN break Titanium in my vertebrae. Pirate!)

Two weeks ago, I had another neck surgery, this one more intrusive than the last. The doctors (because I needed more than one) operated on the front of my neck to remove the broken screws and the useless, previous titanium plate. They also had to replace another disc that herniated due to the unsuccessful nature of the first surgery. When they were done, they stitched me up and turned me over to operate on the back of my neck, where they inserted two rods on each side of my spine to secure discs C5-7 with 6 titanium screws. Apparently, a halo device was used to keep my head completely still during the entire process. How do I know this? I had half marbles on my temples and the top of my head where the halo-like apparatus had been attached.

Aye. I can see you're wondering what this has to do with Frankenstein. Well, I feel like Frankenstein's bride without the gray stripes (thanks to my hair dresser!). I've got a barely noticable scar on the right side of my neck from the first surgery, a 3" incision on the left side of my neck and a 4"-5" incision on the back of my neck. My rogue informs me I can claim these as battle wounds, which is a perfectly acceptable excuse for a pirate, don't you think? He also informs me that all I need are lightning bolts. Sad, but true. I cannot help but be a lily-livered swab about this. Yes, I know the scars will fade and that the important thing is my pain is gone (except for recovery). Alas, my imagination has taken flight, leading me to places I don't want to go. All I know is thank goodness I own a lot of scarves. ;)


Am I living a Frankenstein movie? Let's see there is: Bride of the Monster, Frankenstein's Daughter, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, Frankenstein Created Woman, Lady Frankenstein, Frankenstein's Great Aunt-Tillie, The Bride, and Frankenhooker. (Look away, yon pirate. Look away.) Or could I turn this into a Regency money-maker: Frankenstein & Sensibility, Mansfield's Frankenstein, Frankenstein & Prejudice, Emmastein, Frankenstein Abbey, Franksuasion.

The great thing about putting all this behind me is now I can start writing again. Yes, folks. The muse isn't competing with pain anymore and I'm really looking forward to standing back at the helm with adventure and mayhem on the horizon.

Do you have any advice on hiding neck scars?



Carla Swafford said...

Here's a pint of ale to toast your newfound freedom from pain, mate!

Loved your mash-ups. How about Sweet Savage Frankenstein? Or maybe Frankenstein in the Storm?

Scarves should do the trick. Of course, this winter you'll have turtle neck sweaters and such. But I believe you'll look beautiful with or without them. :-)

Katherine Bone said...

I'm glad you liked my mashups, Carla. We should definitely do some romance titles linked to Mr. F. Never Resist Frankenstein, Frankenstein's Temptation, and The Wolf and Frankenstein. ;)

Turtlenecks are a good addition to hiding my secret. Thanks!!!

Chris Bailey said...

The best news is that your surgery has relieved your pain! I love scarves, and they're so popular that you can find a load of summer and winter versions. Be dutiful about wearing scarves AND sunscreen and the scars will fade.

Louisa Cornell said...

I'm just glad you are free of that awful pain and can get busy writing great books for us to read again!

And chokers were popular when I was in school. Velvet ribbons with a cameo on the front.

Besides a rakish scarf is the perfect accessory for a pirate! Check out the Pyramid Collection for some awesome wide necklaces, chains, scarves and all sorts of cool pirate gear to cover those scars and impress the natives!

Katherine Bone said...

Hi Chris! Yes, the pain is gone. It's like being reborn, I tell ya! Luckily I already own a lot of scarves. Woot! Time to bring them back to duty.

Thank you for taking the time to comment!!!

Katherine Bone said...

Hi Louisa!!! You're so sweet! You've made my day. Thank you for wanting to read my books!

I forgot about chokers, but I they wouldn't hide the scar on the back of my neck. Grrr! Good idea for the front though!

Oooh! I must away to this Pyramid Collection now! Thanks so much for the tip!!! Blessings!