..., she was to be allowed to choose her own fate: heaven or hell for all eternity. Being very shrewd for a dead person, she asked St. Peter for a tour of both.
The first stop was hell, where she saw rows and rows of writers sitting chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers' fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. Your typical hell scene.
"Wow, this is awful," said the writer., appalled "Let's see some heaven."
In a moment, they were whisked to heaven and the writer saw rows and rows of writers chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers' fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. It looked and smelled even worse than hell.
"What gives, Pete?" the writer asked. "This is worse than hell!"
"Yes," St. Peter replied, "but here your work gets published."
Writing is so difficult that I feel that writers, having had their hell on earth, will escape all punishment hereafter.
Writing is the flip side of sex – it's good only when it's over.
Hunter S. Thompson
A blank piece of paper is God's way of telling us how hard it to be God.
I think I have mentioned my critique partner a time or two on this blog. When she critiques a manuscript, she makes what Jack the Ripper did to his victims look like a paper cut. I firmly believe Atilla the Hun learned everything he knows about decimating an army from my critique partner. And the thing that really ticks me off is – 99% of the time she is absolutely, positively RIGHT. Yeah, I hate her too.
I have, however, come up with a foolproof idea for my next manuscript. There is no way she can find anything wrong with this baby. I have got this one in the bag. And since we are all friends here I thought I’d share. This is a sure-fire method to thwart critics, contest judges and blood red pen wielding critique partners everywhere.
Rule # 1 – There can only be two characters in your book – a hero and a heroine. No friends, no family, no servants, no pets, not another character. Just TWO.
Rule# 2 – There is only one setting in the entire book and it only has one room. No corridors, parlors, bathrooms, and definitely no outdoors. ONE room. That’s it.
Rule#3 – Both of the characters are blind. They can’t see the room or each other so you won’t spend too little or too much time describing anything or anyone.
Rule#4 – Both of the characters have amnesia! No memory, no back story! See! This is really working!
I’ve done my part. How about the rest of you? What ironclad rules of romance novel writing have you been accused of breaking? What else can you suggest to streamline and facilitate the writing of what I am sure will be the romance novel with which not a single agent or editor can find fault? No faults, no rejections. Right? Bueller? Bueller?
REMEMBER : If it’s easy, you’re probably not doing it right !