I started the year staring at a blank page. I hate this part of writing. It’s the worst. This entire book is in my head. I know it from beginning to end. I've been thinking about it for over a year, but when I sit down to write it, I freeze.
I love writing. I really do. Yet I know the minute I start typing, I’ll become so entrenched with the storyline and characters that I won’t really surface again until I finish the book. That could be four months. Maybe six. I’ll go to my day job and do my usual routine, create budgets, pay bills, ask my husband three, maybe four times a night, what he wants for dinner and finally listen when I hear that heavy sigh of impatience. I'm so mentally gone that half the time I can't remember any of it. Because I’m halfway there. At least, until the book is done.
People think because I love to write that it must be easy. Fact is, it’s exhausting. I’m not scared of writing the story. I’m scared of what it does to me. I never want to come down from that high. When I do, it isn’t pretty.
Seriously, what is the block? I promised myself I’d start this book today. I’ve set my deadline to finish it by July 1. I even told my CP today was the day. She'll probably email tomorrow to check my word count.
So just about the time I started to feel guilty about my in ability to start this book, I realized we had a half-inch of sleet and snow outside. A few hours after that, the governor declared a state of emergency in Alabama and most of the businesses in the cities are closing down for Monday.
I should be happy about this. I have another day off. Even the higher forces are making sure I start this novel.
Tomorrow I'll start, I swear. My husband said he's going to make sure of it. Meanwhile, I'm writing my friends and fellow blog readers about the most absurd fear of all time. I'm scared of disappearing into another world and not wanting to come back. I'm actually nervous about it. How ridiculous.
Have you ever loved anything this much? So much that it terrified you to lose yourself so completely? I write about characters who love like this.
I don't think I realized why until just now.