Friday, December 17, 2010

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa Claus,

Hey! It's Naima! How's Mrs. Claus doing? Wonderful woman you have there! And the elves? They treating you right? The singing isn't getting on your nerves, is it? Cause all that whistling while you work could really work a sista's nerves...oops. Wait. Wrong little people.

Anyhoo...Santa, I've been awesome this year! *Ahem* Great. *Cough* Well, pretty good. And so I'm sending you my wish list of what I'd like this Christmas. I only want one thing, Santa. Peace on earth and joy for all men...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!!! Whew! *knuckling tear from eye* Okay, seriously, Santa, here's the real list:

1. Patience. I've requested this every year but I think there must be a hole in your sack. I'm not complaining or anything. But, Santa, my supply ran dry a long time ago and since my husband and kids stop whispering every time I walk in the room and slide me these long glances, I'm guessing they're planning a coup. I really need it this year.

2. A clue. Not for me but for the hubby. I compose a list every year of acceptable presents, including size, color and location. I even sort them 1 through 10, in order of preference. Now, I appreciate creativity and forward thinking as much as the next person but, Santa, can you put a big, neon clue in his Christmas stocking that he is not to be thoughtful and deviate from the list? When he does I end up with stuff that I need a receipt and 30 day return policy for.

3. Vin Diesel. Still not complaining here, but I've asked for him year after year, too, but yet every Christmas morning he isn't standing in my shower, water pouring down over his rock hard pecs and abs, just glistening from clean-shaven head to big, BIG feet...Last year you left a note with something about my husband, but really, Santa, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

4. Domestic ability. Frankly, Santa, I put this on the list because my husband is leaning over my shoulder, breathing in my ear--and not in a sexy way. If there isn't room in my Christmas stocking for this, I understand. You're a busy man and Vin takes up a lot of room...

Well, that's all I have this year. Not too greedy, right? I can't wait until Christmas Eve and hey, tell Mrs. Claus I have plenty more of those books to keep her warm while you're out and about on the 24th! *wink*
Sincerely,
Naima

P.S.--Last year you left quality time for the DH and I. Here's what we did with it:



Hiya!! I'm giving away a free download of my new short story, Claiming Christmas, along with a small gift! Just leave a comment about what you'd like to see under your tree this Christmas morning and I'll randomly choose a winner!

Check out Claiming Christmas :




Merry Christmas, everyone!!

15 comments:

Callie James said...

Naima! What a great blog. And you and your hubby are so cute!

I wish for peace of mind. But since you can't wrap that, I'd like a few new sweaters to go with this cold weather.

Happy Holidays!

Heather said...

Reading this was the best way to start the day! I may actually be in a less than foul mood at work.

I wish for a 28 hour day. If that isn't available, then I wish for the ability to focus on one task at a time without stressing about the next item on my to-do list.

Merry Christmas!

Chris Bailey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris Bailey said...

I'm assuming that's your talented DH? Vin Diesel's got nothing on that man! My husband often says there's no need to settle for a six-pack--go for the pony keg!

For Christmas, I have to agree with Heather that a little focus would be a good thing. I think was supposed to be getting in the shower about now.

Lisa D. said...

Loved the blog. I'd like a new job and a Nook. Not necessarily in that order :) Also a maid.

Naima Simone said...

Hi, Callie!
Hey, if the sweaters are cute enough they can bring a few moments of peace of mind! And fierceness! LOL! Merry Christmas, Callie!!

Naima Simone said...

Hi, Heather!
LOL! I'm so glad we could help your day start off on a positive note. And your 28-hour day...ummm..sorry, I already asked Santa for that and it's another item I haven't received yet. But see Callie's sweater idea for the stressing. LOL!

Merry, merry Christmas!!!

Naima Simone said...

Hi, Chris!!
Hee-hee!! Pony keg! I'll have to remember that!! ALTHOUGH I would settle for one bead of water rolling down Vin's pec...*sigh* Oh well...And I'm working on the focus! I'm working! Now...what was I working on...? LOL!!

Happy Holidays!

Naima Simone said...

I'm sooo with you on the maid, Lisa! Sooo with you! I am not the domestic goddess and I would just like her to beam down and visit me at least once a month! LOL! Nook, though. HECK YEAH!!

Merry Christmas!

Stormy said...

Hey Naima! Love the video of you and Hubby! I'm thinking of asking Santa for a Pause button for children for Christmas! would that not be the most AWESOMEST (yeah, I made that word up) present EVER!!! Claiming Christmas looks terrific! Can't wait to get my copy!! Hope ya'll have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Let me know if Vin shows up this year, I'm rootin' for you, girl!!

Naima Simone said...

Uhh...Stormy, if you get that Pause button for Christmas I might--just really might!--let you borrow Vin for a specified *cough! 5 minuts* amount of time. LOL! Yes, that would be the AWESOMEST gift!! Hee-hee!! Thank you, Stormy, and Merry Christmas!!

Carla Swafford said...

Okay. I liked your husband already, but I believe I have a crush now. A man that keep up with you is amazing! LOL! Love that video.

The children laughing in the background was truly the best of the best.

My wish...everyone knows that and I've been told not to rag the man upstairs about it. He already knows and he'll handle it in his good time. Only it's been a long, long time.

So I'll settle for an iPad and my bathroom placed back together. Hubby is still working on it since Thanksgiving and my legs are getting tired of climbing the stairs to the other one.

Merry Christmas, girlfriend! HUGS.

Naima Simone said...

LOL! Carla, you know one of the best parts about our talent shows is laughing at the person embarrassing themselves! Hee-hee! I do have a pretty great guy, don't I? You see now why I fell in love with him? The man has great moves!! *eyebrow waggle*

Carla, I'm adding your iPad and bathroom to my list for Santa and my prayers to your wish for the Man Upstairs! I can't promise the iPad and bathroom but I KNOW the other wish is on its way!!

Merry Christmas and HUGE cyber hug back at ya!

Author Mary J. Dressel said...

LOL, I love your blog! The video of you and your husband is so cute. I don't know who was having more fun, you or the audience! Anyway, under my tree this year I hope to find peace in my life. It's been a hectic . . . well, long time. Peace, in my life, yes. Thanks for the laugh and thanks for the exiting book trailer. Very nice to be friends!

Mary

Naima Simone said...

Hi, Mary!
Thanks so much for stopping by, viewing the videos and leaving a comment! I wish you and your family peace this Christmas, too. I'm glad we could bring you some laughter this holiday, too! My embarrassment was worth it!! LOL!